the fork in the road.

As I’m sitting here listening to the waves of the Pacific crashing on the shore before the sun comes up to greet them, I can’t help but think about how I ended up here…not so much on how I’m on vacation, but how I’m where I am in my life.

The first 50 years of my life were littered with mistakes. I spent more time in my head thinking about what I’d do differently if I could go back and fix/change each mistake instead of being present to those around me. Every day I became obsessed with dwelling on my failures.

I came to the “fork in the road” this year…I’m very thankful to my therapist for challenging me to take a positive look at my life, and to better understand the things that trigger my negativity. I’ve had to let go to a number of unhealthy friendships – these were friends who felt the need to remind me of my mistakes and perceived shortcomings, or friends that were only “acquaintances by association.”

It’s definitely a journey….the hardest part about the fork in the road is letting go of the fear of what others think of me. In therapy I realized how a life of music makes this very challenging – auditions, being scored in competition, playing for non-appreciative audiences, etc. This has always consumed me, and this has made me conditioned to accept failure. Each day is a baby step – finding a way to “flip the switch” when my mind goes to the negative.

“We’re all unique, and we’re all gifted….no person is any better than any other.” I wish I’d heard that when I was younger, or at least could understand or have felt that way. I’m thankful that I have my life going forward to have a new, positive outlook. This is why I’m amazed at where I am right now – I never thought I’d be able to change my mindset, if not for the fork in the road.

Published by ltrainlane

Musician, Customer Service Manager, Husband, Father, New York Giants fan, happy-go-lucky (sometimes clothing optional) free spirit....that pretty much sums it up.

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