Sometimes insomnia can be a good thing.
I’ve been up since 3am today….after a couple of hours of sending emails and realizing that drinking warm milk, counting sheep or putting on a Kenny G record would not put me back to sleep, I had an “a-ha moment” while deep in thought.
I thought about not only the importance of paying it forward, but also the importance of gratitude in the present.
I’ve been meaning to clear the air with somebody (not Miss Vitriol….that has the same odds as Hell freezing over), and I’ve been struggling for the longest time with what to say, and how to say it in a non-attacking manner. My first “a-ha moment” was realizing that I wasn’t seeing things in the big picture, and that I’ve been deep in the weeds about these issues.
I wrote this person an email today….it took 6 drafts and about three hours intermittently to write, but as I was writing and stating the facts of our disagreement, my second “a-ha moment” was that I needed to focus on the positives of our friendship, and how I truly value this person. It’s very easy for me to write with the emotional/negative slant.
In being honest with myself, I’ve always struggled with the ability to communicate when focused on the negative. My therapist calls this a “snow globe” moment, as when you shake up a snow globe, you can’t see through it clearly. The third “a-ha” was realizing the focus and determination to stay 100% positive while working through the negative. I still had to express my feelings, but it was a lot easier to do this without being in “snow globe mode.”
The biggest “a-ha” is the realization that of needing to use this same focus as I get through the holidays and winter in general….and the irony is not lost on me about getting rid of the “snow globe” to do so.