“Knights in white satin, never nearing the end. Letters I’ve written, never meaning to send.” – The Moody Blues, Days of Future Passed, 1967
I had a wonderful weekend this past weekend – I saw the Georgetown basketball game on Saturday, and celebrated an early Christmas with family yesterday. Two months ago, I was incredibly stressed about the holidays…I would not have thought it possible to have such an enjoyable weekend at this time of year.
I attribute this to learning how to “reframe” in therapy….my sessions this year have given me new perspective about many different things in my past, my present and my future (and I didn’t need Scrooge’s three ghosts to accomplish this). Therapy also has given me an incredible gift – the gift of using my written words to convey my feelings….feelings of success and failure, feelings of anger and of happiness, and feelings of forgiveness.
I truly balked at the idea of journaling, as this makes me think of all the sitcoms with the cliched “Someone read my diary” plot line. When presented with the idea of doing a blog, I was hesitant, because I wasn’t sure of how to express myself…one of my friends helped me to realize the best way of going about this – don’t define it.
Blogging has helped me find some closure to a lot of my past mistakes, and to most events from my past which I still have struggled to deal with. It has been suggested to write letters that I never mail, or burn/throw away upon completion. I’ve tried this, but it just made me feel more frustrated, because it brought the feelings about the person and/or issue to the surface, but I felt no feeling of resolution. I’ve learned how to write this blog without fear of judgement – these are my thoughts, my fears and my successes and failures, and other opinions don’t matter.
Because there are people who I thought deserved letters from me (both as a apology and letters expressing my hurt at their actions towards me), I will continue to blog about these situations, but all names will either be changed (“Francesca”) or nicknames will be used (the one and only “Miss Vitriol”).
For those of you who have voiced your support, I cannot thank you enough. This is a path of discovery, and sharing all of my previous life experiences both good and bad is something I never thought I’d have the courage to do.
This post is a letter I’ve written, and that I’m thankful to send.