because at the end of the day, it ain’t worth it.

This was a challenging week. It would be very easy for me to slip into saying the word “stressed” and make things seem very negative. I’m choosing not to do this with this post.

I caught myself after my cynical post on the other day – I’m not deleting it, because it was how I was feeling that morning, and I own up to that. Since 4:34 this morning, I’ve been giving a lot of thought as to why I got to that point…

There are a lot of posts about how hard it is for people during the holidays….I’m one of those people. It hasn’t been that I don’t have the ability to celebrate the holidays and enjoy them with others….there are a lot of joyful occasions (birthdays) that my family celebrates in addition to Christmas…for me, it’s the reality and the finality. Both of my parents have passed away, and this time of year has always been very hard, especially since my mom passed away 7 years ago.

At 4:34 this morning, I made a choice – a choice not to feel down like I always have…there were a lot of issues in the office that were very exhausting this week, and when I took my blood pressure last night, although it wasn’t nearly as high as it was a year ago, it was still above my normal range. I also have gained weight from binge-eating junk food because it’s everywhere in sight, and I’ve been really angry at myself for doing so.

I can choose to be grumpy and pissed for the next five days, or I can say “that was yesterday, this is today” and focus on the frame of mind that I had this summer, being happy and healthy. If I could do that then, why can’t I do that now?

I’m going to enjoy the rest of this holiday season, no matter what happens. I will not be angry at myself, and I will not allow myself to feel down, because at the end of the day, it ain’t worth it.