stop worrying….just write.

I haven’t figured out exactly what this blog is supposed to be….a journal? A diary? A lot of little chapters that could become a book?

I found myself stressing about this at 4:15 this morning, because I’ve been feeling this overwhelming need to define what I’m doing here….it’s the same need I’ve had my entire life – everything has to be defined, explained and justified. This was my biggest pain point while on Facebook…I felt like for anything that I wrote, the ends always had to justify the means.

I had an e-mail discussion with someone a couple of weeks ago, who flat-out asked me why I felt the need to “define the conversation”….although I was able to give a truthful answer, that question has resonated with me ever since. I realized that I had started to slip back into the old habit of writing “mathematically” instead of organically…..

My goal is that for every time I write on here, I will try to write strictly based on the thoughts and ideas that spontaneously pop into my head….it might be just a word or a sentence, or a whole novel on any given day….and that’s perfectly fine.

2+2 now equals 5, and I’m happy about that. (Thank you, Rachel. 😊)

god does not have a leader board.

No religion is greater than the other. PERIOD. That’s how I feel. That’s how I’ve always felt. It makes me angry to see people resort to violence to defend their religion, and it’s disappointing to see and hear the arrogance and bravado of one religion over others.

I cannot stand “Pray TV” – if tithing is the biblical way of contributing to your faith, why does one need to buy books/videos/recordings/concert tickets from people like Pat Robertson and Joyce Meyer? Is the Bible not enough? I flipped through the dial a few Sundays ago, and another minister on TV was pleading that “if you make a donation of $100, you’re planting the seed.” Yeah, the seed for the tree that grows and hopefully falls on you, douchebag.

Although I’m a Christian, am I supposed to think that I’m “chosen” over other people of other religions? My ex-father-in-law said that “the only way to be a good husband is to be a good Christian husband.” Sorry, all you Jewish, Catholic, Pagan, and Muslim husbands who truly love your wives and families…according to him, you’re all royally fucked. (And that’s one of many reasons that he’s my ex father-in-law.) My ex-wife truly believes that “people don’t need therapy – they should just read their Bibles.” Yet there are Christian therapists worldwide, and just a few weeks ago a megachurch pastor in California killed himself…’s THAT theory working out for ya?

Cavemen roamed the earth trillions and quadrillions of years ago, long before the birth of Christ, or any scriptures had been written….did they automatically go to Hell because they had no concept of religion?

And here’s the kicker – the Klan prides itself on being a bunch of God-fearing good Christian men. How has it been OK for them to murder people of different colors and religions for generations, when one of the 10 Commandments clearly states “Thou shall not kill”? Is my bible missing a chapter??

One of my best life lessons was given to me by my college jazz professor in casual conversation. He said “I don’t care if you’re Black, White, man,woman, gay, straight, Muslim, Arab, or whatever….either you can play the gig, or you can’t play the gig.” I truly want to believe that my higher spiritual power has the same mindset, and not a vision equivalent to a Miss America beauty pageant, where one religion is considered first runner-up, and others don’t make the top five.

I’m sure some of my friends who read this will be taken aback – sorry it took me so long to say how I REALLY feel, and that it’s taken me over 35 years to finally say all of this out loud.