losing the façade.

It’s been 76 days since moving back to the Keystone State.

Although it’s been a rollercoaster of a year, things are settling down. New friends, new opportunities, and new surroundings have helped to find a new sense of inner peace.

True confession – I didn’t just burn bridges in Alexandria – I napalmed those motherfuckers. I had to. I NEEDED to. And in doing so, I GOT MY LIFE BACK. It was the only way to turn a corner of my life that desperately needed to be turned.

My energy has shifted, mainly because of the move – I let go of the “façade” – the years of creating this “secure”image, and using that image to hide all of my insecurities behind. The glossy “TV/Music” persona, that truly needed to go. I LOVE that I haven’t picked up my horns in months! That may seem crazy to some people, but I could not be happier. These last few months have been about self reflection (while working through a divorce….wish there was a handbook!) and emotional healing, and letting all of the bullshit go.

Survival mode is no longer sustainable – living a “reactive instead of proactive” life is not for me. Having to pretend to be a part of a happy family as a third wheel was downright exhausting, and in the end, the “house of cards on sand” collapsed like it should have.

Things are looking very promising – great new challenges with the job, hanging out with a crowd with whom I have many more common interests, and even going out on dates….all of these have more meaning, as its about living an authentic, SECURE life. It’s not about cockiness or arrogance. After years of insecurity, and being worried about what people may think or say about me, its come down to this three word conclusion:

FUCKING LET THEM.

I truly don’t care – I left that energy across the Potomac, where it belongs (or that energy can die….who cares?)

“Mr. Today Show of Alexandria” and his façade can kiss my Pennsylvania ass.