Lane's Back Nine – my online diary as a 55-year old

There are a number of theories about the afterlife – do we see a bright light, does our entire life flash before our eyes, do we hear the voice of God, or Allah or whatever higher power we choose or don’t choose to believe?

I want to believe that when I get to the afterlife one of these days, the higher powers that be will have created a space for each of us based on the things of genuine importance (spiritual things, not material) that truly resonated with us while we were on Earth.

If you’ve ever seen the movie “Defending Your Life” with Albert Brooks, it paints such a vivid, respectfully humorous picture of what the afterlife could be like. For me, when I get there I’m hoping that the first voice I hear is Jon Facenda, who was dubbed “The Voice of God” for his NFL Films narrative skills. That would be pretty damn cool.

I also hope to be able to hear sounds and see colors that were not able to see and hear as human beings. As an added bonus, I hope that I can hear the most recent music of Hendrix, Prince, Van Halen and Beethoven, and that songs are in keys at least up to K-sharp, as there’s a plethora of different notes to work with! If our spirits don’t die, why can’t they continue to collaborate? I hope that my afterlife includes the music that I love….jazz, R&B, rock and blues….this would make my final resting place even more restful! 😂

It speaks to the dysfunction of our society that I hope the afterlife is a place of true equality – where those who didn’t end up on the Amtrak to Hell are all very diverse (the more diverse, the better) and all have nothing but utmost respect for each other. If we only had that on Earth now, because it seems to get worse by the day.

Do we get reincarnated and come back to life, like Warren Beatty’s character in Heaven Can Wait, or like his sister Shirley MacLaine strongly believes, with a goal of making significant change for the better for our society?

Do we get the opportunity to reunite with our loved ones? If so, I want to talk with all of my ancestors, to better understand the lives they lived and the things they had to endure. Plus I’d love to talk to innovators, inventors and world leaders. And I hope there’s a way to replay the special moments from our lives…children being born, and the moments where we met people who changed our lives forever. These are the things we never want to forget.

Why has all of this been on my mind? Over the last month, I’ve seen a few close friends go through the tremendous heartbreak of losing a loved one. It’s a pain like no other. I want to believe that those who have departed are in a place of happiness and joy, and that they only want happiness and joy for those they’ve left behind. These are feelings that every human being should be able to have every day.

I wrote this post not to make light of dying and the afterlife, but to share my questions and thoughts, which I’m sure that many people have about it. Dying is inevitable – I don’t fear it, but I hope it doesn’t happen for a VERY long time.

May we all have peace, love and understanding in the time that we have left.

I went to bed last night, fully expecting a wonderful night of sleep. As Jenn is out of town, my routine with Otto runs like clockwork, and I usually get about 8 hours of sleep. Piece of cake.

Boy, was I wrong. A recap…..

2:25 am – the sound of local fire trucks and police sirens responding to a call.

2:26 am – the sound of Otto barking loudly as his response to the sound of the sirens.

2:30 am – the sound of Otto pacing back and forth, because he can’t go back to sleep.

2:35 am – that wonderful feeling when your dog hops up on the bed, and accidentally steps right on your balls.

2:36 – 4:53 am – petting Otto in hopes that he’ll go back to sleep, while constantly avoiding getting hit in the face by his left paw.

4:54 am – Otto hops off the bed, and now I can finally go to sleep.

4:56 am – Otto starts whining to go outside….my replies of “Will you please shut the hell up?” don’t seem to be working.

5:02 am – crawl out of bed and get dressed while listening to Otto having the “zoomies” in the living room.

5:05 – 6:00 am – walking Otto in the rain, thinking he needs to “do his business”…..NOTHING.

6:01 am – dry Otto off, crawl back upstairs, get undressed and try to get 45 minutes of sleep before my alarm goes off.

6:10 am – Otto comes up the stairs, comes into the bedroom, and hops right up on the bed, fortunately missing my balls this time.

6:10 – 6:30 – petting Otto so that he doesn’t bark and wake the neighbors, avoiding the left paw, and forgoing 20 minutes of sleep.

6:30ish – Otto proceeds to hop off the bed, lay down on the floor, and go right to sleep. Asshat.

7:30 am – after hitting the snooze button multiple times, and listening to Otto snore on the bedroom floor, I crawl out of bed to “begin” my workday.

7:32 am – after laying in bed for two minutes trying to find the energy to get up while completely disheveled, unshaven, and with a beard full of floof, I brush my teeth, get dressed, and take Otto to doggy daycare, so that he can have a wonderful day with his pals.

And this was my relaxing night of sleep.

Happy Wednesday! 😂😂😂

I met with a neurologist two days ago.

As some of my friends and family know, I’m trying to confirm if I’m somewhere on the autism spectrum. (Being able to taste musical notes isn’t the norm? Really?)

In April, I’m scheduled for a full day of extensive tests, which should hopefully give me more clarity about the issue. The testing will include psychological, physical and cognitive tests. It will be a day to remember, I’m sure.

To others, my life won’t appear to have any significant change once I get an answer. I’m treating this with the same level of concern as wanting to find out if I had a major illness – it will help to reconcile years of emotionally destructive behavior, and give me a clearer path going forward.

If I had a dollar for every time I felt socially awkward or reacted in a way that the people around me could not understand (including social media), I could EASILY retire. This is the real reason for why I have stopped playing live music, and why I now have a crippling fear of performing in front of an audience.

Writing this blog has actually been helpful and therapeutic – it feels much safer to tap into my creativity and write how I’m feeling from a place of privacy and comfort, instead of feeling like a square peg in a round hole in front of people, whether it be playing gigs or when I’m in social settings. After 36 years of performing and having to feel “on”, and not having the ability to ever feel “off”, I need to find out the truth.

Like Howard Jones once said, things can only get better. (Hopefully.)

Happy Mardi Gras!

I enjoyed my free pancakes at IHOP this morning as my big Mardi Gras celebration. Now it’s time to focus on the season of Lent.

Normally I give up social media and swearing for Lent. This year I’m choosing to give up something that will be much more challenging.

I’m going to try and avoid having a temper, and avoid letting my emotional buttons be pushed for the next 40 days. (This should help to avoid with the swearing significantly.) I’m also giving up fast food (with the exception of one Shamrock Shake from McDonald’s) for the next 40 days.

The odds are likely that I’ll deactivate my Facebook accounts during this time. As Facebook will only become more of a battleground as we inch closer to the election, that’s one easy way to avoid unnecessary stress. Giving up my temper will still have some other challenges.

It’s one thing to forgive our enemies, but I’m also choosing to treat them with kindness. This will be much easier said than done, as there’s been a lot of anger over the years that I’m truly letting go. I don’t expect kindness from these people in return, nor will I worry about receiving it.

To my friends who celebrate the Lenten season, may you also have success over the next 40 days.

Laissez le bon temps rouler!

DISCLAIMER: In no way, shape or form is this post a sign of disrespect towards Travis Kelce’s girlfriend.

Dear Jay-Z – mad props to you for standing up for your wife’s tremendous body of work. That was very commendable.

Besides the tremendously talented artists like your wife and Taylor Swift, there are tremendous artists in ALL idioms of music, especially independent music artists as well. These are people who give 1000% to the music that they write and create. As we’re moving more and more towards AI replacing the entertainment industry, the arts are becoming an endangered species. Symphony orchestras going bankrupt…..music and art continue to be the immediate school budget cuts. Although many pop and hip hop stars don’t have a music education background, music education in our schools needs more support than just a 20-second recognition at the Grammys.

There are incredibly talented independent artists all over the world, and idioms of music that have been slighted, reduced to “Awards presented prior to broadcast.” There are tremendously talented artists whose music deserves a higher level of respect and recognition. Here’s a few names off the top of my head:

John Schrader. Dara Tucker. Gussie Miller. Tanya Darling. Mocean Worker. Lindsay Webster. Mary Ann Redmond.

Please consider casting this much wider net for artists to be recognized for Album and Record of the Year, as these artists deserve the same recognition and consideration for their contributions in all styles of music.

I know that you probably will never see this post, as you’re a busy guy. As much as I enjoyed this year’s Grammy telecast, it was also a reminder of when viewers had the chance to see artists of many different genres during the broadcast.

Anyway, thank you again for holding the Grammy Awards accountable, and please continue to be a respected voice in the music industry. And by the way, a collaboration between T-Swift and Bey would definitely fill the musical void left by Prince and MJ never having the chance to work together. Just sayin’.

Sincerely,

Lane

It’s Super Bowl time, and this year’s event is like no other Super Bowl of year’s past. For the first time ever, this year’s game has taken the sports world and the entertainment world to a whole new level. When you take the world’s biggest pop star and add her to the narrative of the world’s most popular sporting event, it generates a lot of hype…..and a shitload of revenue.

I don’t understand the backlash directed at Taylor Swift. Yes, she’s known in every part of the world, but when she’s at a Kansas City Chiefs game, she’s just a fan rooting for her boyfriend, just like the other thousands of fans in the stadium. Of course the networks have had a field day with this….during the KC/New York Jets Sunday night game this season, NBC became obsessed with showing her during every commercial break in addition to every time Travis Kelce made a catch. She did not ask to be featured throughout the game, and yes, there was an upside to attracting people who would never watch football tuning in to see her. That “upside” has generated $331 million dollars for a “non profit organization”….you guessed it – the National Football League.

Thus my thin line of love and hate. Like many people my age, I started watching the NFL back when there was a real offseason, as players were making around $50k and had real jobs in the offseason. They lived in regular houses in their communities, and unfortunately a number of these players now have debilitating injuries that they to fight with the league for compensation (because the NFL doesn’t believe in CTE). Now we have players who are upset at only making $20 million per season, because they feel they should be paid more than someone else who plays the same position.

The slippery slope started in 1993 – that was the year that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones brokered a deal with Fox Sports that changed the entire landscape of television contracts, generating billions of dollars in revenue for the league (plus he gave Troy Aikman a $50 million contract, thus opening the floodgates for players with free agency).

I was lucky enough to go to NFL games and see legendary Hall of Fame players like Joe Namath, Terry Bradshaw, Dan Marino and Lawrence Taylor when tickets were still anywhere from $20 – $40 per ticket. I pity the person who paid $200 to see Johnny Manziel (who ridiculously made more money in his career than Walter Payton….thats just WRONG.)

Remember when NFL stadiums had classic names like Three Rivers Stadium, Shea Stadium, Veterans Stadium and the Orange Bowl? Now we have GEHA Field…..what?? There’s a new mandate in the NFL, which ironically takes “keeping up with the Joneses” completely sideways. To make your team “more competitive”, they need to have a brand new shiny billion-dollar stadium…and guess who’s paying for the new one in Buffalo? The ENTIRE state of New York….call it a hunch, but I don’t think every New Yorker will get a free ticket. (And I wonder how much the Personal Seat Licenses will cost?)

Are the actual games better now? No, they’re not. Don’t get me wrong, there are phenomenal players in the league, but there have always been phenomenal players. Ask anybody in Denver about “The Drive” or Oilers fans (they’re still out there) about Earl Campbell…the difference is the players from back in the day played much more for the love of the game. Sadly, a lot of today’s players are more worried about their likeness and overall rating on the newest version of “Madden”…another “cha-ching” for the NFL. And if you want to see a stellar example of today’s NFL, look up Kadarius Toney (aka Young Joka) on YouTube…his alma mater (University of Florida) must be so proud!

In 12 days, a new champion will be crowned by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, the man I hold personally responsible for turning the league into a greedy enterprise. Talk about the rich getting richer…when you get an annual salary of $47 million to help the owners make more money, you don’t have a worry in the world.

These are the things I think about when I watch football today….I don’t even want to know how much the commercials will cost for this year’s big game. Why? Because they’re expecting more people to tune in because of the “entertainment” factor. (Cha-Ching!) The game itself is an afterthought – 7 hours of pregame coverage on CBS this year for a three hour game. It’s overkill….would the actual game be worse if there was the normal 60-minute pregame?

Commissioner Goodell – at least you’re “for the fans”…..games the average family can’t afford to attend, million dollar contracts to players who take irresponsibility to a new low, pay-per-view games, and unnecessary billion dollar stadiums with “the fans” paying the bill…well done, Roger.

Enjoy the game folks…hope you get your money’s worth from the “Taylor-made” event.

A strange thing happened while on vacation last week.

I had a series of very random dreams for a few nights…things took place in the dreams that made absolutely no sense….but they all gave me a sense of peace.

We all have goals and resolutions at the beginning of every year. These dreams helped me to realize my goal for 2024, and how I’ve already started to complete it.

Normally my vacations revolve around listening to music, whether it’s listening while driving a rental car, or headphones while relaxing by the pool or on the beach. I didn’t do that this vacation….it wasn’t a premeditated decision either. The music felt like a distraction when I was trying to relax and clear my head. There was clarity in the silence, even when riding around in the ocean on a jet ski!

My resolution this year is simple – enjoy the silence. This is a major shift for me, especially being a Type A personality. I’ll know when it’s time to have an active interest in music again. I still dream about performing, but I know in my heart that I’m not anywhere near ready to do so. I need to tune out a lot of noise before anything else.

It’s time for a new outlook….enjoying the quiet, and listening to the silence. I’ve never had this mindset before, but something tells me that I’m going to find both peace and courage that I’ve never felt before. The fact that I’ve had the opportunity to embrace this to start the new year is a blessing, as my other goals will have more clarity and focus, and this will hopefully lead me back to the enjoyment of playing music.

This is quite the opportunity!

1. That in another week and a half, the days will start getting longer again.

2. My close friends who say “Happy Holidays” as a way of respecting all religions during the holiday season.

3. My new glasses…it’s perfectly clear that I’m a little nearsighted.

4. Holiday cards and holiday letters….its nice to receive greetings, and to see how friends and family have enjoyed the year.

5. My mornings that start with Otto jumping on the bed to wake me up.

6. Reruns of Moonlighting on the Hulu network.

7. Random acts of kindness during this time of year….may these continue to grow and prosper.

8. Puerto Rico and Barbados….ESPECIALLY in the winter!

9. The music of Mel Tormé.

10. Paying it forward.

Dear Lord, please let this post be cathartic.

I’ve been a New York Giants fan my whole life. Until yesterday, I thought I’d seen the worst of the worst Giants teams of all time….the Miracles at the Meadowlands teams immediately come to mind. Yesterday’s ass kicking (against the Cowboys….again….ugh) really made me question my allegiance to the team. Although the team is decimated by injuries, the Giants all but quit before the game even started. Stats don’t lie – this team CHOSE not to show up yesterday.

Although better days are ahead (seriously, they CAN’T get any worse), there are 7 more games to watch the incompetence and futility.

I vividly remember the 1983 Giants team that went 3-12-1…although they lost 12 games, they lost a lot of close games, and still played with a sense of pride. Three seasons later, there were still a number of those players on the ‘86 team that won the Super Bowl. As I’ve watched this year’s team, I don’t see many players who are still playing for pride…I don’t see a team that believes that they can go out and win.

I’m hopeful that the Head Coach and General Manager can right the ship after this season. Giants Nation has endured lousy and mediocre football for the last 7 years….it’s time to get up off the mat.

Here’s hoping that the 2024 Giants are competitive and an improvement over this years team. Giants Nation is tired of treading water.

1. That I wrote my Matthew Perry blog post as a way of remembering him…may his generosity and compassion for helping others positively impact many future generations to come.

2. Taking the time every once in a while to turn off the shuffle on my iTunes and listen to albums in their entirety. The tracks have a whole different sound when played in the proper context instead of being played randomly.

3. That I’m starting to listen to music in the way that it originally inspired me as a teenager. Between listening to Yacht Rock, and the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s channels on SiriusXM, I’ve started to become “musically nostalgic” again….I’ve missed that.

4. That Nike sportswear doesn’t make me look too old.

5. That in 2024, I’m going to get the answer to a question that I’ve had for 46 years.

6. That I finally remembered to pick up my horns from the instrument repair shop. They were ready a month ago. Oops.

7. That my friends Deanna and Donna are featured in national commercials that are getting a lot of airtime….congrats!!

8. Trader Joe’s ginger snaps….believe the hype.

9. The incredible trumpet playing and songwriting ability of Randy Brecker.

10. That I still have hope and optimism that compassion, respect and understanding will overtake hatred, ignorance and violence in my lifetime.

11. That somebody got my pop culture reference in the title of this blog post.