Lane's Back Nine – my online diary as a 55-year old

This was an amazing weekend. I reunited and reconnected with a lot of friends that I don’t see very often, plus I got to spend time with my family.

It was pure joy to go to the Ithaca football game at the Meadowlands…to see close friends, and to also reunite with friends from college was truly a joy. It was nice to reminisce and talk about our journeys since our time at IC. Time truly is a great equalizer…there were people there from college that I wasn’t close friends with (or even friends with, for that matter), but everyone seemed genuinely glad to see each other.

I also got to see my brother Lee, my sister-in-law Margaret and my niece Claire. As Jenn and I don’t get up to Woodstock that often, it was a blessing for us to spend quality time with family yesterday.

This afternoon I got to spend time with a friend who is truly special to me. We’ve had our ups and our downs, but today we got the chance to catch up and talk. This meant a lot to me, as they are a friend in the truest sense of the word, and I hope they are a friend of mine for life.

Although it’s been nice to post a lot of pictures and video from the weekend, it felt good to actually talk and have real conversations instead of texting. After realizing the impact of FOMO, I realize just how much social media can be a trigger for me, and I probably won’t be on there much longer. I’m choosing to stay focused on my real friends and my family, as that’s what matters most.😊

Sometimes insomnia can be a good thing.

I’ve been up since 3am today….after a couple of hours of sending emails and realizing that drinking warm milk, counting sheep or putting on a Kenny G record would not put me back to sleep, I had an “a-ha moment” while deep in thought.

I thought about not only the importance of paying it forward, but also the importance of gratitude in the present.

I’ve been meaning to clear the air with somebody (not Miss Vitriol….that has the same odds as Hell freezing over), and I’ve been struggling for the longest time with what to say, and how to say it in a non-attacking manner. My first “a-ha moment” was realizing that I wasn’t seeing things in the big picture, and that I’ve been deep in the weeds about these issues.

I wrote this person an email today….it took 6 drafts and about three hours intermittently to write, but as I was writing and stating the facts of our disagreement, my second “a-ha moment” was that I needed to focus on the positives of our friendship, and how I truly value this person. It’s very easy for me to write with the emotional/negative slant.

In being honest with myself, I’ve always struggled with the ability to communicate when focused on the negative. My therapist calls this a “snow globe” moment, as when you shake up a snow globe, you can’t see through it clearly. The third “a-ha” was realizing the focus and determination to stay 100% positive while working through the negative. I still had to express my feelings, but it was a lot easier to do this without being in “snow globe mode.”

The biggest “a-ha” is the realization that of needing to use this same focus as I get through the holidays and winter in general….and the irony is not lost on me about getting rid of the “snow globe” to do so.

#movingforward #accentuatethepositive

“You know how Lane is.”

From my dad saying that to my teachers and my peers growing up, to my friends using that as an excuse to write me off, to the point that I was saying these to myself almost like a mantra in front of the mirror.

It’s been very easy to use these words to wallow in the negative. I’ve used these words as my excuse to not take risks, and as an excuse to accept my failures.

It’s not about wanting to be like somebody else….it’s about seeing myself in a more positive light. It’s the acceptance that I’m an “extroverted introvert”…there are times that I’m the one that lights up the room, but there are times when I sit quietly in the room, not because anything is wrong, but because I’m either deep in thought, or just enjoying the conversations around me. This usually turns into someone asking “What’s wrong with Lane?” followed by a response of “Well, you know how Lane is.”

I’m not shy, but that does not mean that I want to (or have to) be “on” for the enjoyment/amusement/entertainment of others. At the ripe old age of 50, I’m finally learning to accept my unique, quirky personality as a gift, not as a curse….if I’m learning and discovering more about who I truly am, how can anyone else define me so easily, and why have I let myself be so easily and incorrectly defined this way?

I like being a work in progress….I love having flaws, and I love that I can be creative and outgoing, but also thoughtful and reflective…..and I’ll be damned if anyone is gonna be so dismissive by trying to define me with these five words anymore. #absolutelyimpurfekt

Conversation.

Empathy.

Humor.

Creativity.

The George Benson/Earl Klugh “Collaboration” album.

A warm bowl of oatmeal on a cold morning.

Great neighbors.

PAYING IT FORWARD.

I am a summer person…..there’s no doubt in my mind about that….there’s never been a documented medical case of someone breaking their back from shoveling humidity, and there’s nothing better than watching the sunset at 9pm on a warm June evening.

This is my least favorite time of the year – it’s grey, cloudy, wind chill is in the air, and it’s dark at 4:30 (4-FUCKING-30!!). Although I’m not diagnosed with seasonal depression, I’m sure I’ll feel that way when I step in a slush puddle by accident come January.

As a kid, I couldn’t wait for the holidays, as I started my Christmas list in September, and I had Halloween and Thanksgiving to look forward to before the holiday season began. The holiday season now starts before Halloween – do we really need to hear Christmas music on Sirius XM while watching the baseball playoffs, its still 75 degrees, and it’s still Daylight Savings Time? For me (and America back in the day), the holiday season starts as soon as I see Santa Claus arrive at Herald Square at the end of the Macy’s Day Parade….holiday commercials used to never air until Thanksgiving afternoon….now the season can’t start quickly enough once the Halloween costumes come off. And holy crap, there should be a law that Charlie Brown Christmas and Frosty the Snowman cannot be shown until at least December 15th!!

I get that retailers are trying to stay afloat (thank you, Amazon), but the holiday season is now almost as “monetary” as Valentine’s Day (thank you, Hallmark). Jesus received gold, frankincense and myrrh…yet there’s a feeling like we’ll let our kids down if they don’t receive an iPhone 11, Playstation 5, and a $100 gift card to Hollister.

My big pet peeve is the need for people to correct others for their holiday greetings….how has something so simple become so convoluted? It’s pretty basic – there’s more than one religious holiday in December, so saying “Happy Holidays” is not a slap in the face to Jesus…it’s a way of recognizing all religious holidays in December. (Is there an XIth Commandment that says “Thou shalt only recognize Christmas, and be judgmental towards anyone of a different religion who believes otherwise?” Did I miss a memo?)

Between the Day after Thanksgiving and January 2nd, I have four days that I especially look forward to – Jenn’s birthday, Katy’s birthday, and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day (spending both with family and friends)…as a society I hope that we can eventually get back to the holidays being more about friends, family, happiness and re-connection, and not as much about Cyber Monday, Black Friday (and the idiots who camp out starting on the Monday before Thanksgiving….that’s just pathetic), and how many gifts we buy and receive…this would make the holiday season much more enjoyable across the board…..winter will still suck for me until March, but thank God for warm-weather cruises for starting off the New Year!

How soon until we turn the clocks ahead?

Send a thank you card to Walter Reed Hospital

Stop by your local VFW

Send an email to an active military person

Reach out to family of friends/relatives of those currently serving

Visit a military gravesite to pause and reflect and be thankful for their ultimate sacrifice

#THANKYOUforyourservice 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

“Will you recognize me? Call my name, or walk on by.” – Simple Minds, Don’t You Forget About Me, 1985

Nobody wants to feel excluded, whether it’s fitting in with the popular kids in school, to the dream where you’re the only person to miss the train. It’s human nature.

Part of my journey this year is the realization that I’ve always felt like the square peg – I’ve tried to fit in with groups of people with whom I had little to nothing in common. It’s been my FOMO – fear of missing out, and this can be a very demoralizing feeling.

I’ve lived in the DC area for nearly 8 years, and a lot of my friends have been friends with Jenn for many years, so they’re friends by previous association. Although I’ve tried (too hard, more often than not) to fit in, it has been very challenging at times, and it’s been easy to feel like the fifth wheel. I used to go with Jenn to a lot of her work conferences, as a lot of “our friends” go to the same conferences. In hindsight, I never would cross paths with the majority of these people, not because of how I was treated by any of them, but because we’re incredibly different. It was my fear of exclusion…there are a few people with whom I have genuine friendships, but they are Jenn’s friends first and foremost. (I still go to the warm-weather conferences in Arizona, California and Hawaii, as we make it a vacation around her conferences.)

I had a great opportunity to play music down in Deale Maryland this summer. There are some great bars down on the waterfront, and the people down there are very welcoming. As the new guy in the band who knew absolutely no one, people actually came up and started conversations, and the majority of these conversations were about the things we have in common. There were no feelings of exclusion or having to be someone or something that I’m not.

I played my CSL Metro church gig this morning. They have a part of the service where they encourage members of the congregation to stand up and share the good things they have experienced. I shared a part of my journey, and the genuine compassion was an unexpected surprise. I always feel welcome here, and I hope to get to know the folks here a lot better. One of today’s music selections was “Lovely Day” by Bill Withers…it felt incredibly appropriate!

My focus is to continue to find people with who I have more common interests, but to also treat EVERYONE with kindness…I know FOMO all too well, and I don’t want to make anyone else feel that way. #inclusion 😊❤️👍🏽

Support

Friendship

Healthy communication

Encouragement

Laughter

A fuzzy blanket

The ability to sing

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED.

“New York City….New York City Struttin’…New York City Strut!” – The 24th Street Band, 1980

This is my city…it’s where I come to get refocused and re-energized. Whether it’s going to Sylvia’s Restaurant and walking down 125th Street in Harlem and Spanish Harlem, sitting in front of the fountains at Lincoln Center, or heading down to the Village and to Brooklyn, I always feel at peace when I’m here.

During my separation and eventual divorce from Michal, I spent a lot of Saturdays here, for no other reason but to find some peace of mind. I have a lot of great memories from all of my visits, including spontaneously hanging out and having lunch at the Hello Deli with Tom Wopat from The Dukes of Hazzard, sneaking into ensemble rehearsals at Juilliard, listening to fantastic street musicians in Central Park, and of course, my lifelong dream of meeting Kathie Lee Gifford!

Even though it’s cold and windy today, there’s still something special about being here…and sometimes the phrase “Only in New York” makes perfect sense!

I haven’t watched a single New York Giants game this year….the incompetency from ownership all the way down to the players is beyond pathetic.

I’ve been a fan for 45 years…this is the worst it’s been since the mid-to-late ‘70’s…this team has no sense of direction, and they are truly unwatchable.

Poetic justice would be tomorrow’s Giants/Jets game ending as a 3-3 tie. #TheStuporBowl #shittyfootball #illwatchtheXFLinstead🤬🏈